Days 5 & 6: BOGO!

Today is your LUCKY day, Loyal Reader, because its day 5 & 6 TOGETHER (WHAT). It’s like your favorite buy one, get one free deal, but better because you’re not actually spending any money, just precious, precious life moments you can never get back.

Think about that as you read the following nonsense.

Both days have involved eating as much beef as I want, which I had happily purchased from my local grass-fed supplier, Kinport Junction.

I didn’t learn much over these last two days, except how to sear a New York strip steak on a stove top, which — if I do say so myself — I do pretty damn well.

Also, I ate ONE Werther’s Original last night. ONE. SUE ME. And I hate those things! I just wanted one badrealbad. So whatever.

Also, I spent two days in a row sitting in the corner of Mocha Madness, mulling over a book and black coffee. I’ve been decidedly in my head, and can’t get enough of it. I spend my days jumping out of my skin and into people’s faces, lives and televisions, and so getting to sit awkwardly, silently and cross-leggedly in the corner of a public place is wonderful. Sometimes I stare at people. Why? Because I can.

When I’m done, I get up and leave without saying a word. I love it, and for just a $2 tithe, I’m happily making it my new house of worship.

OH. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT PART.

I don’t actually think I’m losing any weight. I mean, three pounds is fine and all, but I was promised anywhere from seven to 17! What up wit dat? So unless this is all happening on the last day, well, I just don’t know what to think. The past two days have yielded no results, so let’s chalk it up to a:

NET LOSS = -3

Suck it, Jajoo.

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One thought on “Days 5 & 6: BOGO!

  1. if you really want to lose weight come to China and drink the tap water. I just got sick for the third time and every thing I get sick I lose about 5 lbs.

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