Day ONE: Only Fruit And A Big Gust of Wind (Also: The Advent of the Soup)

Ow! I just burned my mouth! ON THIS:

That, my friends, is homemade cabbage soup. And actually, it’s kinda bangin. It’s what I made after I realized that the General Motors Diet is basically the Cabbage Soup Diet, and I’M ALLOWED TO EAT MORE THAN JUST FRUIT ON THE FIRST DAY THANK GAWDUH.

[If you didn’t read yesterday’s post, and are wondering why I’m only eating fruit, catch up.]

First things fourth: today hurt. Not only did I need a power nap and coffee, but after a day of popping grapes like an 8-year-old pops bubble wrap, I found myself trolling Food Porn Daily and a million other related sites, listening to my salivary glands leak like a sieve, the runoff kerplunking into the bottomless pit of the new Smucker’s factory that is now my gut.

But hey, these things are always better when you have a friend in tow, right? That’s what I learned when I logged onto Gchat at work (I MEAN WHAT, BOSS?), and found that my good friend Becky Turek (Omg I just misspelled her name “Turkey.” Not kidding. Help me.) is ALSO on a diet.

Straight from the horse’s chat, here’s what Becky had for lunch:
Becky: some wheat bread…fresh baby spinach…weight watchers KRAFT CHEESE, dijon, and fresh deli sliced turrrkay

Jesus, there’s that turkey again.

But it’s okay! Because I have a whole steaming pot of cabbage soup that I can eat to my heart’s content. And it has mushrooms in it! How you like them apples, Becky Turkey?

ALSO, my darling BkysDiet (does ANYONE have a link to BkysCar I can use??) reminded me of the following. In the spirit of men making fun of dieting women everywhere, enjoy:


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