Live Blogging: The Day After Christmas In Footie Pajamas

Allow me to spare you the doldrums of yet ANOTHER Christmas blog (not to mention another day-after-Christmas post). For my birthday this year, my dad and step-mom got me a pair of Hoodie Footie pajamas from the PajamaGram company. They are monogrammed, fluffy and baby pink.

THIS is the live blogging experience of their maiden voyage on my body.

Feet!

5:01 PM: No spontaneous weight gain. “Easy A” has just ended. I’m taking these damn footies off. Bon voyage, extra skin. But I’ll leave ya’ll with a picture, just because you’ve been so good. 😉

4:54 PM: Matt and I got up to eat some ice cream. I just wanna take these damn footies off and run a mile or something. I fear I may start to fill out this extra fluffy skin. STAY TUNED TO SEE IF I SPONTANEOUSLY GAIN ONE HUNDRED POUNDS.

4:49 PM: GETTING UP TO GET WATER. IT’S SERIOUSLY WARM IN HERE.

4:47 PM: STARTING TO FEEL LIKE MY INSIDES ARE COOKING. Heart beat increasing. Way too insulated. Head kinda hurts. MSG not helping anything.

4:44 PM: TANGENTIAL UPDATE: A little while ago, Matt moved into a new position because the sun had been shining violently through the blinds and interfering with his ability to watch “Easy A.” The sun just set below the edge of the window, and Matt has since moved back into more comfortable Position A. Realizing I’ve spent the day in footie pajamas as the sun sets? Not as comforting.

4:4o PM: I found a new, slightly sunken and reclined position that has stretched out the extra skin while simultaneously making me feel hotter. UPDATE: NO ERRANT RICE FOUND IN EXTRA SKIN.

4:31 PM: My hip kinda hurts, and I’ve sunken down into a little hole in the couch, but I really want some water. The extra fuzzy skin is kind of annoying, but don’t feel like getting off the couch to hydrate/fix it. “Easy A” has reached its climax, and I’m hitting a new low.

4:21 PM: Finished off the sesame chicken. Did not slip getting food. Footie pajamas have this weird middle flap thing, as if I got laproscopic surgery and have a bunch of extra skin leftover. Worried some errant rice grains may have spilled off the plate and are lost in the fluffy skin. STAY TUNED TO SEE IF IT’S AN ISSUE.

4:15 PM: To avoid awkward situation and taste mixing, I not only asked Matt if I could have his Chinese (to which he responded, “Uh yeah? I told you could already.”) BUT I ALSO WASHED OFF MY PLATE. And! Found one last tiny fork, answering the question on everyone’s lips, NO SESAME GLAZE FOR THESE THUMB HOLES.

4:08 PM: Wondering if I should wash plate off before getting Chinese. WILL RESIDUAL SWEET GLAZE INFLUENCE SAVORY SESAME TASTE? THAT’S SOMETHING I DON’T WANT. SOMETHING I DO WANT: SODA. SOMETHING I DON’T HAVE: SODA.

4:06 PM: Debating going for the Chinese leftovers. Realizing that footie grips will aid in walk to refrigerator.

4:00 PM: Feet are notoriously cold, possibly due to poor circulation. Footie pajamas provide insulation for feet, but still feel unsettlingly chilly. “Easy A” is no cool comedy, however, I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU SEE IT.

3:56 PM: Finished ham plate. Still hungry. Matt brought over Chinese food, and offered me HIS leftovers. Do I indulge in double leftover jeopardy? KEYS HAVE NOT BEEN GLAZED. I may be too lazy to get the extra buns, but not enough to not go the extra mile for that glaze.

3:53 PM: Using fingers to eat ham results not in matted fleece, but in glazed fingers. OPENS DOOR FOR GLAZED KEYS. STAY TUNED TO SEE IF I NEGLECT TO LICK THE GLAZE OFF BEFORE THE NEXT UPDATE.

3:48 PM: Used tiny bun to make tiny sandwich. Successfully kept glaze off sleeves. Extra ham needs to be eaten by hand. Extra tiny buns too far away. MAY RESULT IN MATTED FLEECE. STAY TUNED FOR UPDATES.

3:44 PM: Put thumbs in thumb holes. Made it difficult to get leftover ham. Worried glaze will mat the fuzzy fleece. Lack of clean forks may exacerbate possibility.

3:34 PM: Stepped into footie pajamas. Zipped up. Found spot on couch next to friend, Matt, to view “Easy A.” Starting to feel warm already.

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