Got those everyman hangups like I sure do? Ever feel like, “Sheesh, I’ve got a bunch-a stuff to take care of, and no clue how to do it!” Well look no more, John and Jane Everyman, because I’ve got the solution for you! Take a look at some of these common issues, and just how to solve them!
- Don’t know when to put your trash out even though you’re pretty sure people have told you a bunch of times? Don’t worry! Just walk up and down your street every night to see if people put THEIR cans out–then you know when to, too! (Also it’s Sunday).
- Chronically forget to buy more toilet paper and Kleenex? Don’t worry! Those 1-ply napkins you bought for a dollar and never use will accurately simulate the comfort and utility provided by other “OTHER” products!
- Bought 20 peaches and worried about the adverse affects of eating two-a-day to get rid of them? Don’t worry! There are none!
- Bought 20 peaches and can’t eat them all before they go bad? Don’t worry! Just make a peach-tomato-jalepeno chutney! (Actually hoping this works. Thoughts??)
- Bought a bunch of tomatillos and don’t know what to do with them? Don’t worry! Me neither!
- Worry that actually getting up when you want to will make you early enough for work to get a lot of stuff done? Don’t worry! Just focus on inane little tasks that you think you have time for since you woke up earlier, i.e., FLOSSING, LOOKING AT YOURSELF and BLOGGING.